I Am Woman!

I am Woman…

When mankind has enough will power to decipher & unlock the codes to the love I possess, then maybe ill be free. Until then, I’ll continuously be misread & misunderstand because people will not know how I love, won’t understand me as an individual & what it takes to love a being such as myself.
Its always seen as I’m in it for myself, but, the greatest loves are best discovered in the dark or quietest of places & may not be expressed as deeply on the outside as it is touched on the inside.
Im a woman that’s not the best at showing my affection in a sensitive loving way because I’m a fighter. Instead of kisses I may slap the shit out of you, but I’m not doing that to be mean. Lol that means to me: I love you. Subtle aggression.
If I claim my stance in love, I’m there. As honest & faithfully open as I can be towards someone. It May always be seen as my interest is in someone or something else, but as truthful & honest as a person that i am… if my interests are elsewhere, my mouth would open up & say so, or I would just move on.
If a woman stays through so much emotional psychological bullshit from someone, it’s not because she’s stupid, though for some that is the case, but for the most part, the love in her heart & soul tells her that she’s strong enough to keep loving someone even when all they do is doubt her.

She knows her love will prevail.

She knows her love will prove them & their own doubts wrong.

Because she knows what unfair is & when someones own personal mind-filled doubts are pushed towards her as something being wrong with her instead of him.
She still believes, even more to get nauseous within her depths because these doubts keep rolling back in & she knows what the next few uneasy moments can bring from your words.

She just prays.

She knows that one day the light will shine on them like Gods last call into heaven for the Earths as the Sun explodes inside your brain like the ON switch to a lightbulb & you will realize my love for you.
I let my love ego talk confidently, even if I have to ignore the constant doubtful concerns as being less than nothing.
I’ll keep loving as though there’s just two of us in a room with nothing but our hearts to beat cohesively together as one rhythm & no brains emotion to tell us that love has shakeable trust & faith. Theres just LOVE…….

But, Maybe thats just me.

Misunderstood.

My own W.O.M.A.N. No acronym. Just WOMAN.

-TJW

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Deities

I have loved beyond my years
But never have I loved without tears
Have celebrated life with cheers
But couldn’t stop what my heart hears

Light so pure
We have set sail on an unknown voyage
Compass guides us with no direction in mind
Crusaders of life
Following a nomadic path to wherever
The ends of the Earth may embed us
But spirits aligned
We are stars destined to our own constellations
Pisces housing eleven signs before us
We are stronger than we are
Deeper than Earths core
Farther than the last shooting star
Whole and not
Wanting bits and pieces of you
Respectful not wanting to hurt you
But I can’t seem to resist you
Could turn away from you
But Can’t escape this peace for you
I have not a heart that can’t express to you
I have met you in the blue
I have loved you, in a time,
I have loved you in a place, in a world once erased, and created again
A million times back then
We were natives expelling rituals in a language unknown
To others our connection not shown
We threw dust to fire that grew from our minds
Now I just like you, with strength intense
Immensely for many many lifetimes
Olden spirits in our fingerprints
I do extend my hand for your fingertips to bind
And I leave you with this
Yet we meet again buried at The Tree of Souls
Ashes blowing through the wind chimes
I pray to Eywa to keep your spirit whole
Connected with me
Avatar
Do you not be that far
Back to lives where I wish you up
Upon a star

~QSS

Reflector

October 30,2012

I got asked today.. “What career path do you want for the rest of your life?” My answer is always that I don’t want to have to work for anyone. I want my art to be my work. Make me prosperous from my own gifts.
It makes me sad many times that a person/artist such as myself always has to struggle the most but has the most abilities to be successful. Art is more the gift that is not seen & always taken for granted. Why?

I question where I will be in the next day, next week, month & year. Wanting to Do so much & to go so many places. But wanting to get to those places without them being because of bad circumstances. I definitely don’t feel like I’m living my life, & it’s weird because everyone thinks someone so talented, is living a great life.
I don’t have much to Show for what these hands can produce. What sucks is having to depend solely on someone else to get roots to grow in my pockets. What seeds are nurturing my path for growth? I try to put faith in people who claim they’re interested in supporting my art, and always end with those letdowns.

People offer me better opportunities but I always reject the possible chance just because I think of those who hurt my pride & spirit because they wanted to help, more to benefit themselves. And I was blind to that, until I was the let down & had to find a way out, find a place to shelter my body. Of course I want the best for myself. I want a happy beginning, & peaceful ending, but at what cost? I wang to trust. Want to be able to lay down & breathe in sleep & love as I close my eyes to feeling alive with my goals & dreams intact. Even have love for someone else as I love myself.

Yes it’s hard to trust anybody & I’m not ashamed to say that that is a protective flaw that I hold in my heart. Intuitions form so vividly within my mind. I can just read negative energy even when it’s nowhere near.

Positivity reigns in my smile but I still have to keep some sort of shield to protect my sanity. I get stressed out to the point that my thought feel suicidal sometimes but my love did myself erased that disgust. Yet I still question my worth and how long will I have to endure this cycle that has been killing me slowly since 2008.
I need a break from these hard times. This is not what growth & experience is supposed to be about.
I can’t even cry about it.

The fact that I’ve grown used to this struggle is so devastating because it forces me to know that at some point, i could be back down to rock bottom. Why can’t my mind breathe & actually feel like there may be a calm ending to this madness.

When will it end? Or will it end with me? I hope I’m not first. But sometimes I feel like that’s the only nearing relief.

-TJW

Make a meal of me

Make a meal out of me

I’m going to be someone’s full course five times a day meal when my time is right.
Not just breakfast to get your Day started.
Not just an appetizer for your entertainment & conversation before your main course arrives.
I won’t be There just for dessert because you had a sweet tooth.
I am not a late night snack when you can’t sleep.
I will be all that a person needs to fulfill their daily hunger.
Breakfast lunch & dinner.
The snacks in between & the three course meal for dinner.
Appetizer, entree & dessert.
Not a skipped meal because you worked too much & forgot to eat lunch.
Not saying that he has to have this scheduled meal but he will make time to include me as required.
I know people that are starving for 1 meal a day so I value the 3 that I have because I know I could be 1 of those hungry people.
Doctors say you should not go a day without 3 meals. So why settle for only one in a relationship.
I am home cooked excellence, not unhealthy fast food garbage.
I can cook my own meals so I know the passion & value of what breakfast, lunch & dinner can provide.
I can have my cake & eat it too but I want the whole three course meal, bread & salad that comes with it.
Never gluttonous to have so much on my plate that I cant see what my main course has to offer in balance.
He will see me as his nutrients & he will be my vitamins.
We will pick of the garden our own supplements.
Never too much in our basket.
But he will
Fill me up.

-QSS.

DIMM

DIMM

I lie awake with thoughts from last night.
Constant visual replay of the sounds he made.
Those words we shared & the forceful way he commanded me.
Back into his room, my hands grazed the dark walls as his hands grazed mine.
Lights still off.
I can still remember that feeling of empty space as he told me to wait there.
Eyes closed i waited, I couldn’t hear anything.
My heart started to race & breathing escalated as minutes passed.
He stood there, in front of me, listening to my breathing.
I felt him reaching for my hands, as he placed them on the gift from god created to make him such a man.
He told me that he wanted a moment of silence, in peace & quiet to hear me softly breathing because he had many plans to have me lose my air within the next hour or more.
Feeling on the hard imprint in his pants & those words he just spoke to me.
I nearly lost my breath in that instance.
I started to bite my lip & took a few deep breaths to recollect myself.
I knew I was in for something this time.
I was ready to jump on him & force ourselves to his bed.
He gently grabbed my arms, pulled me closer to his body.
I could feel the warm air illuminating from his skin.
He kissed my forehead softly.
Felt hands caressing my face as he tilted my head to kiss me.
Lips soft & moist like mine.
That embrace that makes my legs weak, makes my pussy throb with persistence.
Slowly and surely I was ready for him to kidnap my body & make love to my body.
Surely times escaped me as we kissed for minutes past.
Body getting weak, I am growing moist between my legs.
Hands wrapped around each other, i slide my hands underneath his shirt.
The strength in his back, I imagined replacing & sharing ourselves in eternity.
Flesh for flesh, vertibrae for vertibrae.
He could have mine as his own.
I whispered his name, feeling as though I had just sung a full concert in his praise.
I would write a million songs for each emotion I felt for him.
He pulled his lips from my own, picked me up in his arms, walked us to his bathroom door.
He told me to keep my eyes closed & ears open.
I heard the door open & could hear the splashing of water in the shower.
I smelled the air filled with fragrances from incense & fresh water mixed with the scent of his cologne.
Soft music playing in the background, he lowered me down on his sink countertop.
Another deep kiss & my breath is taken yet again.
I follow directions as I keep my eyes closed… He tells me to open my mouth.
Hesitant, I do. Black cherries, my favorite fruit.
He knows me well.
Suddenly I smell the sweet familiar & I smile.
My favorite wine yet again, I am given a taste.
Cupcake.
Better than at dinner, with thoughts of having all of him for dessert.
He lifts my leg &slides off my heels one at a time.
I feel his hands caress my legs up to my waist.
He does not go under my skirt but he slowly lifts me with one arm & uses the other hand to gently pull my skirt off.
My heart is racing & smiling.
He chuckles as he sees that I’ve had a surprise of my own in not wearing anything beneath my skirt.
He feeds me more cherries in his process of enticing my senses.
Warm hands touch my smooth legs as I reach for his body.
I whisper to him that I wanted to kiss every part of his spirit.
He kisses me, comes extremely close to me & I can feel that imprint in his pants yet again.
It makes shivers ride my spine & I get goosebumps.
I crave him so badly.
I hear John Legend “tonight” start playing in the background as I feel him back away from me.
I imagined that he is watching me from a distance, but I couldn’t tell if there were lights on for him to see this vision that is me.
He hands me the glass of wine but I’m only wanting his body to intoxicate me.
I sip, then suddenly I feel him kissing my thighs & his locks are swaying across my skin.
I feel my blood racing & I try to keep my composure as his tongue licks silk & tattoos towards my own slice of fruit that he loves to taste.
He teases me as my breathing grows stronger.
I’m sure he has grown stronger and I want to feel, but he spreads my legs wider on his counter.
He pulls me closer to him, tells me to relax & lean back while he reaches the center of my existence.
He kisses my other set of lips softly as I am entering one realm of exstacy in his world.
Erykah Badu plays “other side of the game”
She seduces my ears as I try to listen while he serenades my body.
I am wet!
Waters wanting to flow as he quinches his thirst within me.
His tongue is creating waves inside my ocean & my breathing is building as we are creating some kind of love hurricane.
Feeling so good inside me, I forget I am holding wine in my hands & almost drop the glass.
He is eating his way to the core of me & I am losing my mind.
Gasping & caressing his head between my legs.
Pussy throbbing & on the edge of first orgasm, I try to pull away from him.
He never allows me to run, pulls me closer to his face & eats me out deeper & more complete.
Legs tingling & starting to shake effortlessly.
He hums a sweet tune while he feasts himself of me.
Countless times I’ve whispered his name & growing louder by the minute.
I want to scream his name but I imagine how many times I will before the night is over.
This man is on a mission.
I am beyond my point of pleasure & I’m yearning to feel more than just his tongue inside of me.
D’angelo “untitled”
I definitely can explain how it feels.
I tell him I want him inside of me.
He sucks the juices from my fruit slightly forcefully, I almost lose control completely.
My body has created moans that only he can force out of me.
Suddenly he stops, me losing my breath.
He comes up to embrace me with a wet kiss & I taste the joys of what he has devoured inside of me.
I hold him close & begin to undo the buttons of his shirt.
Legs caressing his, he presses himself against my vagina.
He is ready for me, as I have been for him.
I smile inside, eyes still closed.
Shirt unbuttoned, I feel his skin & kiss on him from ear to chest, licking on his collarbone.
He pleases me & I can’t wait to return the favor with my own skills.
I slide his shirt off his shoulders & it falls to the floor.
I begin to feel for his pants as we are still connecting lips.
I quickly unlatched his belt, unbutton his pants & release the zipper teeth from their integrated grips.
I push him from me, ask if i could finally open my eyes.
He says yes.
I do, & finally seeing his beautiful skin is like viewing him for the first time all over again.
He watches me watching him, breathing calm but strong.
I tell him to take his pants off.
As he does, he sees me, I see him, a work of art.
Maxwell, “this woman’s work”……. He is mine.
Standing in front of me, ready to give me all of him & me ready to take all that he has to offer.
So infatuated with his sexiness & so deeply in love with every part of his spirit.
He comes close & holds me.
Lifting me from the sink, I wrap my legs around his body.
Bodies warm with each other, I want to smell his scent all over me.
Kissing his neck, he moans as he walks us back to the dark bedroom.
He places me on his bed as he goes to put flame to a few candles.
I get up from the bed & plan my own counterattack of pleasure.
As he walks back to the bed for me, I am waiting, standing on the edge.
He meets me, giving me a kiss as I am working my hands to slide his boxers off.
Music so dimm behind the bathroom walls that the songs are as unrecognizable.
My attention goes back to him.
I push his towards the bed to lay down.
Me, climbing on top of him, he takes my shirt off, then my bra.
I watch him.
His eyes following the path that his hands are making on my skin as he’s feeling on my breasts.
Strong hands of a strong man caring for the body of a strong woman in her own nature.
We are beautiful together.
I lean to kiss him.
Lips, neck, chest.
Working my way down his body from abs, past his hard dick, further to his thighs.
Taking a minute to focus on massaging his strong legs because I know they will be putting in work overtime tonight.
He grabs a pillow for his head, relaxes his body as I take my time to begin to please him.
Working my hands over his body, I let them find their way back up to his waist.
I lean forward & kiss his strength, softly & firm.
I want to taste every inch of him.
Lips caressing his shaft & tongue massaging every throbbing vein.
I enjoy the feelings of his penis pulsating with the movement of my tongue.
The natural taste of him, his skin & his fluidity as I give him pleasures that actually turns me on.
As if I was home alone giving myself pleasure.
Listening to his breathing grow stronger & body start to tense up, I work his dick faster with my mouth.
Saliva keeping that moist feeling as if he was inside my wet pussy.
Mmmmm…..
I suck his dick until he’s harder in my mouth to the point that I can feel he may want to cum.
Whispering my name & gripping my locks as he thrusts himself deeper down my throat.
I take him all in my mouth.
Five star Foreplay that could create three hours of pleasure & sex that us two lovers are building unity as one love.
Loving the taste & I do not let him reach his breaking point.
I release him from my mouth, crawl forward to kiss him.
Reaching inside his side table drawer, I moan as he has gotten up & began to kiss the dip in my back.
From right ass cheek to the left.
He bites gently.
Then heads back down to tasting my wetness, upside down, from the back.
Makes me want to go crazy cause it feels so good.
I grab a condom & slide it down the bed by him because I know we both are ready.
I can’t wait anymore.
Ready to feel his long hard dick rubbing & pushing in me.
He puts on our protection from having children witness this explicit love session.
Multitasking while not needing to use hands to continuously get me wetter & wetter with his mouth.
He gets up & me still in the crawling position, hands & knees with him behind me.
Moments that have built up to this now arriving point in time.
We are breathing heavy but steady.
Bodies calling each other, he feels my pussy then licks his fingers.
He begins to slide himself inside me.
Throbbing tight muscles, wetness all around, he gets in with ease.
Both enjoying that warm feeling that simply having tongues could not satisfy.
He slowly thrusts his body with mine & my body is enjoying how his big dick makes my pussy feel.
Our motions together creating hard splashing waves in our ocean of love.
I escape into some new dimension of exstacy while he begins crashing into my walls.
Faster and harder he starts to go.
I start to call his name.
Soft, then louder & louder & louder.
I grip the sheets forcefully as he grabs me tightly by my waist.
My body starts shaking, first quivering then more violently.

I am waken up by him……
He looks at me strangely, then he starts to laugh with a sneaky grin.
Seems I had fallen asleep after I started reliving the adventure we had last night.
I lay there thinking……

And I can still taste his Dick In My Mouth.

-QueenSoulSista TJW©
September 23, 2012

Style Me……

Let me define individual style….I dont see the lights that we call fashion as a means for attention.My sense of style is only for me. I dress the way I feel. Others dress to be seen. People wear certain things and labels as a means to fit in society & to be accepted by their peers.

You shouldnt have to dress a certain way to be accepted. If people dont like you because of your clothes, then you dont need to surround yourself with those people. I have a spiritual freedom to the way I express myself. I am the voice that no one can speak for. Walking in my own shoes.

As a visual artist & seamstress having a fashion design & merchandising major in college. I can appreciate the aesthetic of apparel more than the normal shopper. The term fashionista sits with me, BUT….. I am more of a collector of natural, authentic vintage apparel. Antiques always give me a sense of purity by witnessing fashions from the 50s & 60s. The textiles were stronger and more luxuriously fit. Garments were manufactured better items werent rushed through mass production factories. I am more of the Natural hippie chic, unisexed business casual, urban, galactic goddess inside her own realm. Very different & extremely eclectic. Never caring what anyone things.

Shoes & undergarments…. My main accessories in life.I’d rather live my life naked in my natural, beautiful skin….. But we all know that is not possible, maybe. Anyway, I can honestly say my fetish is for shoes. I will buy 3 pair of shoes before I even think about buying clothes to wear with the shoes. I always saw it harder to buy clothes, then have trouble finding shoes to match. I see it happen too much. I have a thing for having what no one has, & recreating items with my art.

Victoria’s Secret, Chuck Taylors, high heels & alot of vintage no names…. Loafers, silk high-waist briefs (granny ps), thigh high socks, neckties, suspenders, cords, corset bustiers & bras, cardigans, retro eyeglasses, mens blazers, high waist pants, equestrian boots, button up shirts & vintage or organic cotton retro tshirts & skirts. Though im more of a black colored woman when it comes to a color palette for my wardrobe, there is always a natural toned accessory or piece that accompanies & compliments the dark tone. Blacks, greys, whites & blues. Anything with great textile & design aesthetic, strong fabric quality.

Artistic value has alot to do with what I choose to buy and wear on my body when it comes to apparel. My clothes define parts of who I am as a person because I let my clothes speak for me. My personality is strong because im not afraid to challenge the norm and create my own box. Disregarding what society has to say about me. Compliments come from confidence and the way you carry yourself in what you wear. If the clothes dont fit or feel right, then I dont feel right. And its not very often that I dont feel right. Love what you wear & wear what you look. Whether your clothed or not. Accept your gifts & be confident in you.-QueenSoulSista

Enlightment

Today was beyond a battle between my mind and my heart. No clear vision or alignment! A voyage that wasnt setting sail towards the horizon. A mission built some peace in relation of speaking knowledge to my Brother Star. Many quotations gathered reasoning and acknowledgement for teachings built within oneself. If life were a bowl of sand, which grain do you piece to life to make different be your difference amongst the rest?!?

Brother’s Peace:

  • “All things in life are given to us by a Higher power. Our gifts and missions set on Earth for us are blessings.”
  • Sometimes a walk outside can change your outlook on life.
  • “My mind hasnt completely been there. Just have to breathe in this air and exhale life.”
  • “I remember as a child, looking out the window, and saying something I spoke to God. Yet till this day, I cant remember what i said but I still have revelations from God telling me that whatever I am set here for, will be done & those things that I said, will be lived.”

My Self taught peace:

  • ” If you can discipline your diet, you can completely discipline most things in your life!”
  • ” Sometimes we have to get out to find ourselves.”
  • ” When people ask me what I wanted to be as a child, I always said i wanted to be a doctor. Finally til this day, I understand what being a doctor means. It doesnt have to be a actually doctor, but someone that is a healer. A mentor and teacher that helps and heals minds and souls. I never even wanted to go to medical school or even get a license of that sort, but a doctor to me simply means “healing the world”.
  • ” I am a doctor of all sorts. Without touching hands, my hands touch hearts.”
  • ” Everyday we have to make missions to improve ourselves.”
  • Complicated work makes for a complicated attitude! BE COOL!

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