Reflector

October 30,2012

I got asked today.. “What career path do you want for the rest of your life?” My answer is always that I don’t want to have to work for anyone. I want my art to be my work. Make me prosperous from my own gifts.
It makes me sad many times that a person/artist such as myself always has to struggle the most but has the most abilities to be successful. Art is more the gift that is not seen & always taken for granted. Why?

I question where I will be in the next day, next week, month & year. Wanting to Do so much & to go so many places. But wanting to get to those places without them being because of bad circumstances. I definitely don’t feel like I’m living my life, & it’s weird because everyone thinks someone so talented, is living a great life.
I don’t have much to Show for what these hands can produce. What sucks is having to depend solely on someone else to get roots to grow in my pockets. What seeds are nurturing my path for growth? I try to put faith in people who claim they’re interested in supporting my art, and always end with those letdowns.

People offer me better opportunities but I always reject the possible chance just because I think of those who hurt my pride & spirit because they wanted to help, more to benefit themselves. And I was blind to that, until I was the let down & had to find a way out, find a place to shelter my body. Of course I want the best for myself. I want a happy beginning, & peaceful ending, but at what cost? I wang to trust. Want to be able to lay down & breathe in sleep & love as I close my eyes to feeling alive with my goals & dreams intact. Even have love for someone else as I love myself.

Yes it’s hard to trust anybody & I’m not ashamed to say that that is a protective flaw that I hold in my heart. Intuitions form so vividly within my mind. I can just read negative energy even when it’s nowhere near.

Positivity reigns in my smile but I still have to keep some sort of shield to protect my sanity. I get stressed out to the point that my thought feel suicidal sometimes but my love did myself erased that disgust. Yet I still question my worth and how long will I have to endure this cycle that has been killing me slowly since 2008.
I need a break from these hard times. This is not what growth & experience is supposed to be about.
I can’t even cry about it.

The fact that I’ve grown used to this struggle is so devastating because it forces me to know that at some point, i could be back down to rock bottom. Why can’t my mind breathe & actually feel like there may be a calm ending to this madness.

When will it end? Or will it end with me? I hope I’m not first. But sometimes I feel like that’s the only nearing relief.

-TJW

When Pigs Fly

***Everyone eyes forward to me!
Thank you!

If we make change in our lives, it is not always inevitable. We must make time move as the clock! That is which truly inevitable, but less than what Space can say.

If time make change, where is the left over money in this world that we struggle for. No pennies left on the floor so who’s billions are we fiGhting for?

Look to your hands and pull from your pocket a dollar bill, ones we didn’t make so its not our blood left to spill!
But we pick up the monetary values left to call materials that don’t last for a year and a half because fashions change to fads and are left to recycle for another five years to come.

Radical interchangeable Collectives.

So spending the money on millions is dumb! Knowledge holds a meaning that space exudes and exceeds an Earthlings time here on this world.

So yet again, time that was told to be inevitable is just a variable in the millions of scientists concoction of lies to keep you believing that everything is alright.
But in Reality, if time lasts forever, so does humans, but not thinking that we are supposed to die and that’s where pigs, shoot us down and begin to fuckin fly! There is only Space, No time. Build an element and exceed its importance.

-Space Martian QSS. Queen.

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