I’m a woman!!!

Stuck sitting on the toilet!
I’m a Woman! I’m a Woman!
A Woman Got Dammit!

How come my mommy couldn’t be the Modern Day Madre back in the day?
I had to learn about my womanhood in the middle school sex ed. Classroom.
Like 12 and 13 made you grown and cramps would come like hard days at track practice
Or earthquakes rocking boulders down avalanches.
Face of 16 yet 26 rising on the physical
Slow aged like cheese and still spiritual bound like the immortals.
Who are you girl, bleeding from the womb?
Bleeding in the resurrection and procreation tomb and room?
No pains do you whine?
All that blood for seven days, yet you do not cry of dyin’?
What wrong with you girl, Have you no life?
Who created these growing pains and why do we stop growing for life to become crises of midlife menopause of middle age.
Oh Time, Father Time. You Forsake us you bastard.
Coward you are!!
You Limit my Motherly womb of Nature with clocks that tick and tock
And bombs that drop with bloody hell on monthly week for majority of my life.
And every one of those 7 days, I find myself sitting on this toilet with my lady products,
Feeling like that teenage girl again first learning that it’s hit me!

I’m a WOMAN!

Mother Earth’s Wavelength

Mother Earth's Wavelength.

What is Mother’s Day?!?

Since I was 13, I wasnt really too fond of Mother’s Day. My mother passed away August 21, 2002 when i was 12 and since then, I didnt really care to celebrate for any reason.

I understand how people always say that we should still celebrate for all the other mothers in the world, but this “holiday” closely means nothing to me anymore.

I’ve become closeminded to this day, as I’ve done in the same sense that Father’s day means a bunch of donkey ass to me. I havent seen or heard from my father since I was 7 yrs old. I dont even know that bastards real name, and its sad that my family doesnt either. I only share his last name. So orphan I am. Shame right? lol, maybe, maybe not.

Today it makes me a little bit more tense as well, that my sister starts a lil mommys group “Momtourage” with all her “mother” friends and I try to close my ears to it, but I get asked to help on certain things. Which I dont want to help with because I cant be included because I dont have kids, and dont want kids anytime soon. Not jealous, but would like to not hear about it. I dont know. I guess there are a million things that I dont connect with from my sisters. Of course Im the Martian of the family so I stray away from the Kids and having a family thing. Yes Im the youngest but I have just as much stuff going on as the next person…. so should I be counted out?
I dont know… back to subject. Mothers Day can be a little painful at times just thinking and watching others embraces their mothers and kids, so I feel that I shouldnt join in those festivities of life because I am without both. Yea I have(had) a grandmother, whom I dont speak to for many unGodly reasons, and yes my sisters have kids, but I constantly am out of the loop because I dont feel those joys that my Mother could bring me. I’ve forgotten the little bit that I once felt and hate that I was so young not to have the same memories that my sisters shared with my mother.

Im not bitter, and these arent cries for help or attention, just know that, when I dont show happiness or enthusiasm around these times, its because I seriously feel that I have no reason to. I know there are plenty of people in the world that can relate to this because we all have those losses and misfortunes that change our lives forever, but we cant carry them as burdens on ourselves. Its just the feeling that we have and cant relay by showering others with gifts, flowers and cards, when we cant shower the one woman who gave us the greatest gift we have, LIFE!

I guess these are the many reasons that I have grown to be so independent, because I feel that I’ve never really have a bond, or the motherly teacher to show me how life is and teach me what I should do as I was growing on. I had to learn everything practically on my own. Good and bad, those lessons in life have built me to be the strong, independent, outspoken, forthright, strong willed, artistic woman I am today. Through everything, I am still learning, without the advice children get to call and ask their mothers about, so I call to myself forthe answers I need in life. No one can make you be who you are, but there should always be someone there guiding and helping you along the way. Where is my guiding light?!?

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